Feedback

Have you ever received feedback that did not align with your values? How do you know when to reject feedback?

 

My mother loves to provide her opinions about my hair, my outfit, and a lot more. I have heard so much from her that I do not pay too much attention to her criticisms. She always tells me though, you should listen to other people's opinions. You should listen to feedback.

I have received good advice and feedback from colleagues over the years which supports my mother's position. Sometimes I ask for the opinions of my colleagues. Other times, they contribute their thoughts and ideas about an obvious issue or problem without me asking. A colleague once advised me to speak to someone in Human Resources about an issue at work. It was an excellent idea. The conversation made a difference. Another example is the advice I received when I had trouble speaking to workers in a particular group because they are always busy. A colleague advised me to speak to managers in a related area. That was such a good idea.

Then, there is the advice and feedback I wished others did not provide. I was once told I am not "pushy" enough. I understood why the manager told me this, but I did not agree with it. I did not want to be aggressively going after individuals for data or something similar. I was okay with a few follow-up conversations and emails, but I did not want to be hounding people. In my opinion, when a person does not provide requested information and repeatedly makes excuses or refuses to provide the information, then there must be an issue. If the person does not tell me the issue, then I am better off adding the label ‘cannot provide.’ Continuing to go after that person could lead to other problems such as the need to provide “gifts” to get what you need. It is feedback like this, I consider to be problematic. The feedback makes me uncomfortable because of where it could lead, the issues that can arise. For these reasons, this is feedback that I would not pay attention to.

I realize that some people really believe that being pushy is needed to be successful. They think of it as persistence or perseverance. However, there are times when it does not make sense to be persistent. It is also important to know yourself and to know when to stop. Knowing that I do not like going after people for them to provide information or approve an application or make a contribution, I try to do my best the first time which reduces the likelihood that I will need to follow up. There are ways to move people to action.